... it has only taken me ten days but I finally reached my limit and I yield. It is not possible to write a romantic scene with Spiderman- Batman- Joker-Ben Ten- Kung Fu Panda- the Penguins- or whatever other totally annoying boy-child game is playing in the background.
I have started. Restarted. Started again..and again...and again. And always, always, there is just no way to have anything even remotely coherent... much less sexy... appear on the page.
Send him outside to play? Great idea. I firmly believe in lots of outdoor play for children and adults alike. Except he can't be left alone out there. So that means... oh yeah... I have to go out. And I can't take the laptop... cause it has no working battery. Also he plays in water. And leaps out of trees.
It's okay. Little A won't be little forever. And I love our time together. I just wanted to finish JUST THIS ONE frellin' BOOK!
OK, rant over. Resume your normal lives.
I think my 'hump' arrived a day late.
I am tired... which is what happens when you go to bed at 2am, go to sleep around 3 and the dog (MEG... yes, I'm looking at you little miss) wakes you up at 5 to let you know she has had the runs ALL over the bedroom floor... and you clean it up (blech)... walk Red and Meg... stagger back to bed by 6 and at 6:30 Remy wants walked.
At 7:30 the kids are up. Yep, thus begins hell day... on less than 3 hours sleep... only seems appropriate.
On the plus side... the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the day is gorgeous and tomorrow my Reesie comes home :D So. Life is good.
Just gonna be a little trudging to get to the top of that hump.
Like so many other people, my Daddy was in the service. He had amazing stories to tell, and amazing stories he couldn't/wouldn't share. My brother also served... in his case in the submarine service. I have such respect and admiration for all who serve our country, and our world. God bless you all.
Here in the Lowcountry there is a lot going on today. Memorial day services and parades. Family cookouts and beach outings. Me? Staying home. Not one for crowds and don't have any family or friends to spend the day with, so it will be me and the boys and the dogs. Quiet. Wow.
QUIET! What a concept!
Later I will grill some (shhh... don't tell them... they like them!) vegie burgers and we will eat up last night's potato salad and a big green salad from the last of my spring buttercrunch lettuce and sugar snaps. Don't think I will be able to grow those again till this fall/winter... But the tomatoes have started to set fruit, the eggplants have little 'eggs' on them, even the peppers decided to join in as of yesterday. I have potatoes that seem to be doing great. Squash and cucumbers and who knows what else all setting flowers. It is a riot of happy plants out there. And more to come.
My curiosity pf the week is that I 'think' the crape myrtle logs DeeDee gave me to build the one garden plot seem to have ... sprouted? They sure LOOK like baby crape myrtles. And I am wondering how/if I can separate them from the logs so I could pot and eventually PLANT them. I loved that old crape myrtle of hers and if these could be grown into actual new trees, I would be beyond thrilled! I SUPPOSE I could drag the big old long piece of log over to where I would like them to someday grow and just... what? bury it? leave it sitting on top of the ground until it either rots or they become large enough to no longer need the roots they are attached by? Anyone know?
There are a lot of fond memories as firmly rooted to that old tree as these new starts, And living up to its nickname... it resurrects all those joyous times.
Hope your Memorial Day memories are filled with joyful moments and new memories to be made.
I went nuts last night. I don't know completely why, and that makes me even more nuts.
Is this a new phase in the grief process? Am I suddenly having a post-midlife.crisis?
Maybe I am just tired and overwhelmed and lonely.
I know it isn't good
It just slammed into me that all I want before I wither up into an old hag is to get just ONE chance to live MY LIFE. Is that so wrong?
Just long enough to write my book...and see if I am still capable of finding someone special to share my life with...falling in love... all the FUN part of being alive.
It seems to me that somewhere in a lifetime there should be enough time to have a life that is 'yours'... and to live it your way. To have something at the end of the journey to look back on and go "that was awesome".
I love my kids... I wouldn't trade them for anything. But they don't have room for me in their lives. They are one by one scattering across the universe ...as they should... moving on with their lives. Raising their kids. And I am always lonely for the grandbabies I will never know. But that is THEIR life. Not mine.
And the girls who HAVEN'T left yet are driving me nuts. I WANT them to grow up and move on. Please god, just let them finish high school, save some money, get a car and GO! (last one in the nest is allowed to stay... HIM I enjoy)
I went from my parents' home, sharing a bedroom with my little sister... straight to my husband's home. I never had a life of 'my own'. I wonder what I could have been. Could have done. I know it wouldn't have been what I did for him. I loved him, I was a good little 1st Peter wife. Whither thou goest and all that. And out of my loss I got a lot of wonderful, amazing, beautiful, talented, unforgettable kids. I would say I got so much more than I ever deserved.
But now I want MY life. I want to write and dance on the beach and go where I want to go and try new things and see new places. I want to not have to cook what everyone ELSE wants me to cook, but to be able to make all the dishes I have always wanted to try. I want to LOVE cooking again....not be grouchy knowing I can't try something because the kids won't try it.
I want to go out places and try to meet people. People MY age. I wonder if I even know HOW to talk to grownups any more.
I want friends to do things with and talk to.
To do the things grown-ups are supposed to get to do. Have a cookout for 'adults' in my big ol' backyard.
I've never had a party that wasn't for or with children.
I am feeling very selfish and whiny today.
Maybe it's my turn for that too.
Went out this morning to the screened porch, and the breeze was blowing in from the sea, the air was warm (probably around 85 by this time in the morning), and my Carolina wren flittered by en route to her growing nest in the rafters near the door. And I was just overwhelmed with joy. Bursting at the seams joy.
The screen porch is a cluttered mess. It is stacked with the old table from the dining room and its chairs, the table is loaded with books to be sorted and donated or shipped or put away. There are boxes from Reesie's dorm, those mainly in one neater collection at the back of the room. There are Little A's toys... the boogie boards for the beach... AJ's bike. Clutter of all makes and measures.
And I don't care.
It occurred to me in my spinning, joyous, Thank You God moment... a little clutter doesn't change a thing. The day is gorgeous. My life is good. I am overwhelmed with how much I have to be thankful for.
Life is good.
I love fantasy... pretty much ALL kinds of fantasy (hence the Fantasy Friday posts) ... but of late I have been puzzled a bit by what seem to be shifts in the descriptions and boundaries of different sub-genres within fantasy.
For example... Lord of the Rings is generally conceded to be the grandfather of modern epic fantasy. Yet Tolkien himself described his works as "mythopoeia"... in that they are deeply evocative of humanity's deepest mythologies...which means perhaps he viewed his work as mythic fantasy. And GRRM's wildly popular novels (not to mention the tv series) are listed, depending on the source, as epic fantasy...not epic fantasy...Court Intrigue...political fantasy...
Not completely sure it matters. Shoot! I even saw it pop up on one list of romantic fantasy!
What does any of this have to do with anything? Well, I have been searching for books to read...an ongoing pleasure and frustration. Sub-genres can help in that search. Everyone says epic fantasy is the most popular and widely published of all the sub-genres, and yet I seldom find new titles in that sub-genre that match what I, personally, feel is an epic fantasy. So I wondered where the books I thought were epic fantasy actually fall in the spectrum.
The issue remains unresolved. I would love to know... what do YOU consider to be the qualities of a good epic fantasy?
... sometimes I think there is no other kind :D Got the dishes done, both garbage and recycling out to the curb for pickup, the floors swept, dogs walked, AJ off to school, Nikki off to work, and totally cleaned out Little A's toy 'area' in the bedroom. D stopped by so I got to spend some quality time with DJ (who is still here, drooling on my keyboard), went to the bank and did that stuff, then home and paid a couple of bills... scrubbed AJ's door, pretty sure it needs a good coat of paint. Cleaned and polished the ancient dry sink I have in the living room (where we pile our treasures from the beach, and where David's photo and the urn I made him sit) Then scrubbed the bottom half of the hall wall. Yeah.
Next up, cleaning out Little A's play corner here in the living room, moving a couple of bags/boxes out of Reesie's closet, and probably doing a load of laundry. And then..at last... back to the scene I am working on. Grinning just thinking about it.
Yep, another GOOD Monday.